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PalinFacts To Go

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Stacy’s mom has got nothin’ on Bristol’s.

Lots of Little Known Facts coming out tonight as Sarah Palin knocks one out of the park.  First some stuff I found, and then the best of the web.

  • Sarah Palin was to walk out to the singing of Angels, but convention organizers thought it might come off as showing off.
  • Sarah Palin’s suit is made from 100% dead liberal skin.
  • Sarah Palin prepped for this speech with a ritual sacrifice of Susan Estrich.
  • Sarah Palin has actually travelled backwards in time from after the roll call to accept the nomination retroactively.
  • Sarah Palin doesn’t actually have an accent, it’s distortion from her telepathic broadcast directly into your brain.
  • In 2003, the US considered deploying Sarah Palin to Iraq as a 1-woman commando squad, but wanted to make it a fair fight.
  • As head of Alaska’s Nat’l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.
  • Sarah Palin drives herself to work everyday – in an M1A1 tank
  • Sarah Palin believes in change, too. She takes it from your pockets after striking you dead.
  • Sarah Palin wears three quarter length sleeves to keep from getting blood on her clothes when she kills liberals.

And some of my other favorites…

  • @kurtluidhardt – Glasses sales up 150 percent since Sarah palin became nominee.
  • @kevinbinversie – The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.
  • Also @kevinbinversie – Sarah Palin’s use of the word “Haberdashery” will bring it back in style.
  • @apophistoledo – Sarah Palin can roll a natural 20 on a d6 (gamers, you know it!)
  • @seanhackbarth – Sarah Palin loves opening up a can of whoop-ass.
  • @AndTheRest – It’s not over until Sarah Palin says it’s over.
  • @lagomorph13 – wants to be President but is too kind to cut in front of John McCain, so now we get her for 16 yrs!

Attention Twitterati…

Sarah Palin wants to see some people talking.  Tomorrow night, during her speech, it’s the first Little Known Fact-a-Thon.  Stream your LKFs while she speaks.  If you got to this site through some other avenue, sign up for a Twitter account and join in.

In the meantime, keep this in mind:

  • Sarah Palin clubs people who wear goofy clothes and sequins to the convention for sport.

More From The Net

Here are some more of the best Little Known Facts from around the Twitterverse.

  • @moveableHype – Queen Elizabeth II curtsied when she was introduced to Sarah Palin
  • @RichardMahoney – Sarah Palin’s image already appears on the newer nickels
  • @JonBurg – Fox is starting a new reality show… when Sarah Palin Attacks
  • @Rammi – Sarah Palin wants you to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!
  • @JonHenke – Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List
  • @lagonmorph13 – Sarah Palin as VP increases Depends sales among scatalogically frightened Democrats
  • @RogHaak – Sarah Palin is what Willis was talkin bout
  • @arratik – When Sarah Palin attends ritual blood orgies, she always brings the most delicious ambrosia salad
  • @robertgorell – To prep for her role as Tracy Flick in “Election,” Witherspoon spent the ’98 seal clubbing season with Palin
  • @jstueve – Ben Linus does Sarah Palin’s bidding
  • @aefoley – Jesus has a bracelet that says, “WWSPD?”
  • @coreyclayton – Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience
  • Also @coreyclayton – Sarah Palin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves!
  • @jtoeman – in the original version, He-Man had the power of Sarah Palin, but the writers felt this would make him way too powerful
  • @mayjah – Sarah Palin can keep a Twitter meme going on and on like a rave kid on X.
  • @KurtLuidhardt – Sarah Palin was not flown to Ohio in charter jet- she ran as part of morning workout.
  • @johntabin – N. Alaska is sunny half the year and dark half the year because Sarah Palin needed the reading light, then wanted a nap

Bring you more later since this thing shows no signs of stopping…

Little Known Facts #4

The facts are pouring in – literally.  At last count, there are more than 3200 Little Known Facts in the random “Little Known Facts About Sarah Palin Generator.  There are nearly as many hashtags.

Here are a few more facts that I dug up today.

  • Sarah Palin begins every day with a moment of silence for the political enemies buried in her yard.
  • Sarah Palin always beats the point spread.
  • Sarah Palin once bit the head off a live Osprey snatched from the air as it tried to fly off with a fish she caught.
  • Sarah Palin uses French Canadians as bait to catch giant king salmon.
  • When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.
  • Sarah Palin plays Whack-a-Mole with her forehead, and always gets a perfect score.
  • Sarah Palin knows who was on the grassy knoll.
  • Sarah Palin’s finishing move in the VP debate will be pulling Biden’s still beating heart from his chest & taking a bite.

When we started digging into little known facts about Sarah Palin today, we never would have guessed where it would go.  Now we’ve made Mashable.

Perhaps most interestingly (and what’s been the inspiration for this post) is the wide variety of Sarah Palin Facts that have been popping up on the various microblogging networks like Twitter and FriendFeed today. If you’ve missed them, they’re very reminiscent of the Chuck Norris Facts, and our crack team of Mashable investigators have tracked this meme back to its source, the imaginatively named Sarah Palin Facts.

I’ve selected a few favorites from the site, but I’m sure you’ve “heard” a few yourself neither we nor the SPF creators have heard of.

Little Known Fact: Sarah Palin secretly runs Mashable as a way to keep tabs on the rest of us.

It seems we’ve started a brushfire, and scores of intrepid researchers are looking into little known facts about the next VP.  Here are a few of my own, and below that are some of the best from around the net.

  • Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.
  • Sarah Palin once won a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.
  • Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
  • Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
  • Sarah Palin pick retroactively makes the theme of #DNC08 “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”
  • Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.

Some other great ones.

  • @PetCobra – (SPOILER ALERT): Ted Moseby marries Sarah Palin. (I’m a big How I Met Your Mother fan)
  • @importantinfo – Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.
  • @mayjah – Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.
  • @FreeRangeMom – Sarah Palin has asked the CIA to investigate, find and dispatch the person who started Little Known Fact (I’m hoping this isn’t true)
  • @RedheadWriting – Sarah Palin is actually Kaiser Sose.
  • @wugou – Sarah Palin can divide by zero.
  • @davidsinger – Sarah Palin can read EBCDIC (I liked this because I actually used to have to deal with mag-tapes with EBCDIC  encoded data.  Ugh!  I’m old.)

I’ll keep digging and bring you more fun stuff later.

Thanks to @JazzyChad for The Sarah Palin Little Known Facts Database

Little Known Sarah Palin Facts #3

The good news about a 24 hour news cycle is the little known facts keep coming in.

  • We don’t know who would win in a Chuck Norris – Sarah Palin cage match because they’ve never invented a cage that can hold Sarah Palin.
  • Alaska is the 49th state solely because they knew even before she was born that Sarah Palin would never finish last.
  • Global Warming doesn’t kill polar bears. Sarah Palin does – usually with her bare hands.
  • Three of Sarah Palin’s five kids came out sideways – she never flinched.
  • Sarah Palin’s hotness is the largest single contributor to melting polar ice caps.
  • It’s not raining in DC. Those are God’s tears of joy that McCain picked Sarah Palin.

Little Known Sarah Palin Facts #2

We’ve found some more really interesting stuff about Sarah Palin.

  • Chuck Norris wishes he was Sarah Palin trapped in a man’s body.
  • Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for yeti pelts with a slingshot.
  • Sarah Palin knows the location of DB Cooper’s body because she threw him from the plane.
  • The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eys.
  • The raw energy of Sarah Palin melts the Alaskan ice roads every spring.

We’re still digging.  If you find any Palin Facts of your own, throw ‘em in the comments.

With John McCain’s pick of Sarah Palin as the VP candidate, it’s important that we get to know a bit more about her.  Her are some little known facts about our next Vice President.

  • Sarah Palin used to wrestle kodiak bears in Alaskan bare knuckles fight clubs.
  • Sarah Palin once bagged a caribou by staring it down until it died.
  • Sarah Palin turned down a job as skipper of a Deadliest Catch boat because it wasn’t challenging enough
  • Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.
  • Sarah Palin once guided Santa’s sleigh through an Alaskan blizzard with the light from her smile.

We’re still doing research, and will let you know what else we find.

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