The Best of the Tweet-a-thon

Lots of Little Known Facts coming out tonight as Sarah Palin knocks one out of the park.  First some stuff I found, and then the best of the web.

  • Sarah Palin was to walk out to the singing of Angels, but convention organizers thought it might come off as showing off.
  • Sarah Palin’s suit is made from 100% dead liberal skin.
  • Sarah Palin prepped for this speech with a ritual sacrifice of Susan Estrich.
  • Sarah Palin has actually travelled backwards in time from after the roll call to accept the nomination retroactively.
  • Sarah Palin doesn’t actually have an accent, it’s distortion from her telepathic broadcast directly into your brain.
  • In 2003, the US considered deploying Sarah Palin to Iraq as a 1-woman commando squad, but wanted to make it a fair fight.
  • As head of Alaska’s Nat’l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.
  • Sarah Palin drives herself to work everyday – in an M1A1 tank
  • Sarah Palin believes in change, too. She takes it from your pockets after striking you dead.
  • Sarah Palin wears three quarter length sleeves to keep from getting blood on her clothes when she kills liberals.

And some of my other favorites…

  • @kurtluidhardt – Glasses sales up 150 percent since Sarah palin became nominee.
  • @kevinbinversie – The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.
  • Also @kevinbinversie – Sarah Palin’s use of the word “Haberdashery” will bring it back in style.
  • @apophistoledo – Sarah Palin can roll a natural 20 on a d6 (gamers, you know it!)
  • @seanhackbarth – Sarah Palin loves opening up a can of whoop-ass.
  • @AndTheRest – It’s not over until Sarah Palin says it’s over.
  • @lagomorph13 – wants to be President but is too kind to cut in front of John McCain, so now we get her for 16 yrs!

26 comments

1. Sarah Palin is her own Secret Service escort.
2. When Senator McCain’s Secret Service team finds out that he will be near Sarah Palin, they take the night off.

Alan K. Henderson

Alan K. Henderson’s avatar

Sarah Palin is the real reason that Mordor was defeated. She has the ring.

Sarah Palin knows all the words to the Numa Numa song (Dragostea din tei).

When Sarah Palin moves to Washington, DC Alaska will experience global cooling.

Sarah Palin built the Alaska oil pipeline single-handed in her spare time.

The captain of the Exxon Valdez was captivated by a photo of Sarah Palin.

Remember these guys? Yup, they were singing to Sarah Palin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2rZxCrb7iU

Alaskans don’t need to drill for oil: Sarah Palin commands it to rise from beneath the surface.

Sarah Palin is the reincarnation of Jesus.

Sarah Palin taught Ozzy how to bite a bat’s head off.

Finally, a hurricane that will do good instead of damage — “Hurricane Sarah Hits The Twin Cities”

Sarah, Bill would like to get you in the oral office.

When Chuck Norris needs backup, he calls Sarah Palin

Alan K. Henderson

Alan K. Henderson’s avatar

Whenever Sarah Palin sings, mariners sailing in Alaskan waters have to stop their ears so they want ground their ships onto the shore. *That* caused the Exxon Valdez disaster.

Alan K. Henderson

Alan K. Henderson’s avatar

Sarah Palin’s hunting rifle is Alaska’s missile defense shield.

Alan K. Henderson

Alan K. Henderson’s avatar

Sarah Palin doesn’t send a thrill up Chris Matthews’ leg – she sends a 110-volt electric shock.

Little known fact about Sarah Palin:
She doesn’t need to make Snow Angels, she is a Snow Angel

Sarah Palin once extracted all the toothpaste from the tube without squeezing from the bottom.
Sarah Palin’s parents moved to Alaska so she could be closer to her Fortress of Solitude.
Sarah Palin can explain quarterback ratings and the Bowl Championship Series formula.
Sarah Palin’s moose stew is a deep brown color even though she never uses Kitchen Bouquet.
Sarah Palin doesn’t mind if you leave the toilet seat up.
Yes, Mr. Hendrix, Sarah Palin is experienced, and she’d like to thank you for asking.
Trig is already potty-trained, Piper bench presses 275 with immaculate technique, and Willow looks like she might just grow up to be really, really hot.
After Sarah Palin claws out the eyes of her institutionally corrupt opponents, she files her nails with cinder blocks.
Sarah Palin’s back sheds water, and she always finds Waldo.

Little Known Facts about Sarah Palin:

*Sarah Palin made Keith Olbermann cry, and then got him demoted.

*Darth Vader noticed that the Force was Strong with Sarah Palin.

*If you’re still conscious, it’s because Sarah Palin doesn’t feel like dragging you behind her snow machine.

*There are no endangered species’ in Alaska, only those animals that Sarah Palin hasn’t served to her family for dinner.

*Unlike Dirty Harry, Sarah Palin knows EXACTLY how many shots she’s fired..

*They bring a knife, Sarah Palin brings a .300 Weatherby Magnum — that’s the Alaska Way.

–furious

Sarah Palin and Chuck Norris could never have children, because there’s already been a Jesus.

Palin and her blue ox, Babe, dug the Grand Canyon by dragging her axe behind her.

Sarah Palin used to be Governor of California, which explains the grizzly bear on the California flag. It also explains why there are no more grizzly bears in California.

The Alaskan oil fields are mostly comprised of Sarah Palin’s urine.

Grizzly bears are known to sit upstream and trap oncoming salmon. Sarah Palin sits upstream and traps oncoming grizzly bears.

Sarah Palin understands the infield fly rule.
Sarah Palin knows where Jimmy Hoffa and Amelia Earheart are.
Pailn taught Brian Boitano the Triple Lux.
Palin is the REAL reason the ice caps are melting.
Steve Austin is the 6 Million Dollar Man: Sarah Palin is the 27 Million Dollar Woman.

Sarah Palin is the real reason the Beatles broke up.

Alan K. Henderson

Alan K. Henderson’s avatar

I’d like to rephrase my first submission, because Sarah Palin is telepathically forcing me to improve my grammar and style (dang those PTA moms):

Whenever Sarah Palin sings, mariners sailing in Alaskan waters have to stop their ears so they won’t ground their ships. The capitain of the Exxon Valdez forgot to take that precaution.

google

google