We exist because Sarah Palin is awesome.

Sarah eats bald eagles because they taste better than spotted owls.

* Sarah Palin holds the women’s record for the fastest mile. She did it in high heels…oh and it’s faster than the men’s record.

* Sarah Palin’s current fastest time for ripping all the entrails out of a live salmon using only her teeth is four seconds. The only person on the planet with a faster time is her husband Todd.

* Russian ultranationalist Vladimir Zhirinovsky once threatened to reannex Alaska. Now, however, Dimitry Medvedev stays up nights worried that Sarah Palin will annex Russia.

* Scientists recently discovered that the real cause for the Aurora Borealis is Sarah Palin and her husband making love.

* Sarah Palin is such a fast gunslinger, that during her first speech with John McCain, she actually drew her pistol and killed three terrorists with no one even noticing.

* Once Sarah Palin shot a bull moose with her last bullet. It wasn’t killed and started to charge her. So she killed it and cut its head off with her nail file.

* There are no hurricanes in Alaska because Sarah Palin prevents them.

* One time Sarah Palin was attacked in the Alaskan wilderness by a ferocious grizzly, but she was unharmed because of how persuasively she convinced the bear to be pro-life.

* When Sarah Palin was doing commercial fishing she once broke all the fingers on one hand. Pain means nothing to Sarah, so she kept working for the rest of the day. What really pissed her off, though, is that she broke a nail.

>>Sarah Palin cuts out the living guts of left-wing bloggers and uses them to grease the treads of our tanks (snifter clink to George C. Scott).

>>Sarah Palin once scissor-kicked Bill Brasky.

~Before Beatrix Kiddo went to take out O-ren Ishii, she wisely studied under Sarah Palin. (Kill Bill Vol.1)

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